I wonder if you ever think of me like I do of you when I hear the song we used to sing along together without really knowing the lyrics.
I wonder if songs have been ruined for you like they have been ruined for me by the once happy memory of you.
I wonder if you ever think of me like I do of you when I see a photo of a place we used to talk about traveling to together.
I wonder if realizing it annoys you as much as it does me, to the point where you momentarily hate the place and wish for it's demise.
I wonder if you ever think of me like I do of you when I see someone resembling you on the streets but realize it's not you.
I wonder if thinking about this makes you realize it was me that one time.
I wonder if you ever think of me like I do of you when I hear your name in a place you would never be in but still wonder 'what if'.
I wonder if hearing my name will make you sick to your stomach like hearing yours does to me. I hope to all the gods ever worshipped I will never befriend someone with your name ever again since that relationship would be doomed from the start and it would be unfair to them.
I wonder if you ever think of me like I do of you when I cook something delicious and am about to ask you to taste it before realizing you'll never be there again.
I wonder if the perfect dish you used to treat me with tastes fowl in your mouth these days.
I wonder if you ever think of me like I do of you some days. With fond memories. Longing. After all this time that feels like a million years has passed but then again, only a heartbeat. If you ever wish we'd still be 'we'. If you ever wish things would have gone differently. If you ever ask yourself was it right what you did. If you will ever realize what an utter cunt you were. If you ever scold yourself for how you handled things. If you ever wonder how it all seemed to me. Your sudden burst of maliciousness. Of cold hatred and spite. Of seemingly calculated destruction of everything I held dear, unbreakable, sacred almost.
Above everything I wonder if you ever, even once, thought of me like I did of you, as my best friend, as the one person I could always trust, as a true friend and not someone who would repeatedly step on me and treat me like the worst kind of trash, so... disposable. Even now it makes me feel desolate and sick to my stomach.
I know I was not, am not and will never be a saint. I'm human after all and as humans we make mistakes. At least I can say I've made some, I can say I wish I would've done things differently but to tell the truth I'm not sure you'll ever get there. You're far too selfish, far too fixated on your words being the only right ones. Your actions being the only reasonable ones. Your view on things the only one to see, to be. You're much like a kid throwing a fit over candy their not getting but unlike you, that kid will someday grow up. You will not.
I hope I could erase the years I spent with you from my memory but the (sad?) truth is those have been some of the best years of my life. A bittersweet thank you but please, wipe me clean from your toxic ghost lingering at the corner of my eye. I don't want you here anymore.
I wonder if songs have been ruined for you like they have been ruined for me by the once happy memory of you.
I wonder if you ever think of me like I do of you when I see a photo of a place we used to talk about traveling to together.
I wonder if realizing it annoys you as much as it does me, to the point where you momentarily hate the place and wish for it's demise.
I wonder if you ever think of me like I do of you when I see someone resembling you on the streets but realize it's not you.
I wonder if thinking about this makes you realize it was me that one time.
I wonder if you ever think of me like I do of you when I hear your name in a place you would never be in but still wonder 'what if'.
I wonder if hearing my name will make you sick to your stomach like hearing yours does to me. I hope to all the gods ever worshipped I will never befriend someone with your name ever again since that relationship would be doomed from the start and it would be unfair to them.
I wonder if you ever think of me like I do of you when I cook something delicious and am about to ask you to taste it before realizing you'll never be there again.
I wonder if the perfect dish you used to treat me with tastes fowl in your mouth these days.
I wonder if you ever think of me like I do of you some days. With fond memories. Longing. After all this time that feels like a million years has passed but then again, only a heartbeat. If you ever wish we'd still be 'we'. If you ever wish things would have gone differently. If you ever ask yourself was it right what you did. If you will ever realize what an utter cunt you were. If you ever scold yourself for how you handled things. If you ever wonder how it all seemed to me. Your sudden burst of maliciousness. Of cold hatred and spite. Of seemingly calculated destruction of everything I held dear, unbreakable, sacred almost.
Above everything I wonder if you ever, even once, thought of me like I did of you, as my best friend, as the one person I could always trust, as a true friend and not someone who would repeatedly step on me and treat me like the worst kind of trash, so... disposable. Even now it makes me feel desolate and sick to my stomach.
I know I was not, am not and will never be a saint. I'm human after all and as humans we make mistakes. At least I can say I've made some, I can say I wish I would've done things differently but to tell the truth I'm not sure you'll ever get there. You're far too selfish, far too fixated on your words being the only right ones. Your actions being the only reasonable ones. Your view on things the only one to see, to be. You're much like a kid throwing a fit over candy their not getting but unlike you, that kid will someday grow up. You will not.
I hope I could erase the years I spent with you from my memory but the (sad?) truth is those have been some of the best years of my life. A bittersweet thank you but please, wipe me clean from your toxic ghost lingering at the corner of my eye. I don't want you here anymore.
